Rejection

Is it the hardest thing thats ever happened to me? well no..not really..but its hard to accept the fact that you arent good enough. There's a constant feeling in the back of my mind that I'm not. But then there's another voice that says wait for the rest of your replies..but I prefer not to think about it..prefer to be in a little cloud of false hope.
False..being the key word here. What bothers me te most is that I didnt cut it. Like in so many other things in life. I didnt make it and it sucks..thats all!

Time heals all wounds?

I realised how absolutley self involved I am. There have been so many indicators on so many different occasions and I just didnt figure it out. Until today.
Sure I could easily blame my not being around on my exams..." I had to study" or "I'm studying" or "I think I should study" have become phrases which I use way too often on people that I care about way too much. It's surprising how my friends and family actually take all the bullshit and let it go just because they love me..I really dont see why they do it but I'm just thankful that they do.
Why do we need a life changing experience to be happy with what we have? Why do we need something drastic to happen before we realise the worth of what we have and who we love?
I've asked my self this a million times before and never found an answer.
I discovered that maybe it's because we're too self involved and obessed with our own lives to look around us and realise that we've got it good. I finally see that I've got it good. Better than good. With the hitches and the flaws and the road blocks .
And the reason for this is solely the people that make me who I am. People who I've neglected and forgotten to nurture. People who I've made promises to that I've never kept. People who are no longer here to forgive me for promising to be around but never actually being AROUND.

I'm sorry, for letting you go, leaving your side when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for letting you down and leaving you behind. I'm sorry for dumping my problems on you and never asking what bothered you. I'm sorry I let time fly past us, leaving us furthur apart than we've ever been before. I'm sorry I wasnt there and no excuse can change that.

This post is to all the people that have been there for me. This post is to my friends, my family and to the people that I've taken for granted. I love you. Thank you.

Crystal Clear

Crash, broken pieces everywhere,

Pick them up, glue them back,

But they’ll never be the same,

The cracks remain,

The scars never heal,

Just fade away.

Imprisoned

Do we really use our minds?

To lead the lives we lead today,

Are we not just mechanical beings?

Going round and round and round again,

From place to place without purpose,

We perform a task without a thought,

We imbibe knowledge without question,

Are we not mere imitations of each other?

Are we not mere reflections of our time?

A time where individual thought is replaced,

Replaced by monotony, replaced by regularity,

There’s no room left for originality,

No room left for innovation, invention and discovery,

We swim in popular culture, letting ourselves drown,

We live each day just like the other,

Not learning from our mistakes,

Not stressing on our successes,

We accept the mediocrity in our lives,

We accept the monotony,

We live in a sea of uninterested faces,

Slowly losing our selves

In meaningless chatter

We don’t know intimacy,

We don’t know compassion,

Time is never on our side,

As we rush through our lives,

Not really living.

I Alone!

Dave Matthews Band and this song have really saved me. Sometimes your hear songs and then they get "old", but this stuff is timeless..for real!

Live- I Alone

It's easier not to be wise
and measure these things by your brains
I sank into Eden with you
alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here, save your eyes
you'll need them, your boat is at sea
your anchor is up, you've been swept away
and the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
fear is not the end of this!

it's easier not to be great
and measure these things by your eyes
we long to be here by his resolve
alone in the church by and by
to cradle the baby in space
and leave you there by yourself chained to fate

oh, now, we took it back too far,
only love can save us now,
all these riddles that you burn
all come runnin' back to you,
all these rhythms that you hide
only love can save us now,
all these riddles that you burn
yeah, yeah, yeah

In the middle of it all

This is the absolute wrong time for me to be blogging. Well according to the world, its the wrong time for me to be doing anything but studying. Yeah...two weeks to my life changing ISC examinations and I honestly couldnt care less. It's actually pretty sad, I used to be the hard working, guilty feeling, crying before exams sort. Today I just sit in front of my open books, try to work and when I cant I shut them and go on to something more interesting...like living my life!
Exams mean nothing to me anymore, they are the most idiotic way of testing a child's knowledge and the fact that your whole life rides on just three weeks is amazing. Amazingly idiotic.